The Joy of Physical Intimacy

May 7th, 2006. How can we experience the joy intimacy? Genesis 4:1.

There is no doubt that our culture preaches, models, advocates for and does all it can to encourage the pure pleasure of physical intimacy. In fact from observing our society it appears that the only place where you shouldn’t expect to enjoy physical intimacy is within the holy covenant of marriage between a man and a woman.
However, what does Scripture say about physical intimacy? Is God basically against physical intimacy and only views it as a necessary evil for the procreation of children?

This mention of Adam and Eve’s intimacy after the fall is helpful for two reasons. Like the rest of us Adam and Eve had to struggle through doubt, pain and brokenness to engage in intimate relations. Despite the sin that threatened to divide them Adam still had to hold fast to his wife and become one with her in body, emotion and mind.
All of us who are married and engage in physical intimacy do so in the midst of sin and brokenness. We’ll all have to struggle with issues of trust and vulnerability.

That said, God has blessed and looks with favor on physical intimacy within the holy covenant of marriage. God is not opposed to intimacy any more than He’s against worship. He is of course against any kind of physical intimacy outside the covenant union between and man and woman. There is no where in Scripture where you can find an example of physical relations that are blessed outside of marriage.
Yet, how can God’s people experience the joy of physical intimacy?’

The joy of intimacy begins once we accept and embrace that God created our soul, body and mind for His purpose and glory. God is glorified when we enjoy the pleasure of physical intimacy within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman. Enjoying physical intimacy within marriage is a way to actively glorify the Lord with the body He made for you. Joyful sacred intimacy cannot happen unless we have and pursue a biblical view of physical intimacy. Intimacy outside of marriage is clearly not the will of God for your life. 1 Thes. 4:1-3 Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to live and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. [2] For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. [3] For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;

There is no human argument no matter how logical and reasonable it sounds that sets aside the biblical commands concerning intimacy. Notice that Paul tells the saints that they are to live sexually pure lives for the purpose of pleasing God and in direct obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ. Establishing a lifestyle of abstinence while single is the surest pathway toward pleasing God, obeying Jesus Christ and beginning a marriage filled with the blessings of physical intimacy. A lifestyle of abstinence includes refraining from intimate relations, any kind of prelude to intimacy such as kissing or touching or anything that would arouse the desire for intimacy, such as viewing any kind of pornography, reading about intimacy, listening to music that promotes intimacy or even talking and joking about intimacy.
I strongly suggest that in order to avoid premature intimacy and the spiritual and emotional pain that comes with it that God’s people not get into the American dating game.

Marriage is the place and only place to explore, investigate, experiment and enjoy the full blessings and benefits of physical intimacy. Just as God commands us to not engage in sex outside of marriage so he commands us to enjoy intimacy within marriage. Thus just as it is the will of God for you not to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage so it is the will of God for you to engage and enjoy sexual intimacy within marriage. Proverbs 5:18-19 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

The language used here and elsewhere to describe physical intimacy between a husband and wife speaks of the positive view Scripture has on sexuality within marriage. It speaks of the man’s fountain, that is the climax of his physical intimacy as being blessed. This blessing is not only due to the physical nature of intimacy but because the physical activity is done within the blessing of marriage and thus does not bring shame and guilt before the Creator who knows all that we do at the time we are doing it. Physical intimacy is blessed because the young man rejoices, that is takes extreme and lasting delight in his wife. She’s not merely an object to satisfy his physical urges, but a lifetime companion given to him by God. Moreover, he only has eyes for her. The intimacy is blessed because it is good. It is satisfying to both the man and his wife as they each enjoy the body God has given them to fulfill one of the purposes for which He created it. God has made our bodies in such a way so that we can and should enjoy intimacy and he is therefore pleased when we do so within marriage. It is blessed because the young man is told to always be swept up and away by the affectionate love that leads to intimacy with his wife. Another way of saying this is that the young man is told to be captivated by sexual desire and attraction for his wife.

Have you believed, embraced and are now practicing a biblical view of physical intimacy? Do you trust the Lord that all of the joy you want to experience from physical intimacy can be found in marriage? Or, are you playing the part of the fool of proverbs? Are you one who ignores and rejects the sound wisdom of God’s word and foolishly pursues selfish pleasure as an end in and of itself? If you’re married are you experiencing the joy of intimacy as an overflow of a strong, growing and healthy relationship? Or do you long to return the very first days of your marriage when the relationship seemed new, fresh and limitless?

We can experience the joy intimacy when we practice the biblical principles of a growing, godly marriage. It is within the safe confines of such a marriage that we‘re free to begin knowing one another. Genesis 2:24-25 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. [25] And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Godly marriages begin when a man and woman leave part of their old life behind and transfer their loyalties and priorities to the new marital relationship. It means that they now recognize that they must live to please their mates first and foremost, not their parents or old friends. Perhaps you were used to pleasing your parents or yourself. It means that they don’t allow in-laws or anyone else to come between their relationship and
being committed to beginning a new covenant home with their own traditions.
Finally it means dealing with past hurts and issues so that they don’t harm the new relationship.
Growing godly marriages happen when couples begin to build a strong, lasting unity with each other. To hold fast (or cling) is to be bound together in all the situations and circumstances of life. Holding fast or clinging to each other calls husbands and wives to constantly pursue unity of purpose in the marriage and not to let the stuff of life create a wedge of separation. It obviously means to be faithful in all aspects of the marriage. To be faithful sexually and emotionally. To cling is to not give yourself to anyone else but to the mate God has given to you. This faithfulness expands to a declared, firm commitment to always value and build up your mate and the relationship. Holding fast to each other should move husbands and wives to look out for and seek to meet the various needs of your spouse.
Growing godly marriages happen when husbands and wives develop an intimate, holistic relationship grounded in mutual trust, respect and unselfish love for each other. They begin to know each other on a spiritual, emotional and psychological level that leads to knowing each other on a physical level. Husbands and wives are called to be vulnerable before each other. Your mate is the one whom you should grow to be person you share all of the intimate details of your life, thoughts, fears, dreams etc. Our mates should have a growing, deep knowledge of our emotions, mental state and spiritual state. This is especially true concerning our own sexuality. Physical fulfillment in marriage starts as we begin the process of fully sharing our inner selves before our mates in an atmosphere of love, commitment and trust. We must open ourselves up to our mates and attentively listen when they open themselves up to us.

What is keeping you from enjoying the kind of marriage described in Genesis 2? Are there areas and issues that you have to repent of before your mate? Are they enjoying the relationship or merely grinding it out? If so, what is your commitment as one who belongs to the Lord, is a new creation in Christ and has the power of the Spirit in dealing with the lack of intimacy in the marriage? Do you believe that your marriage is beyond hope or repair?

No matter how bad your marriage is let me encourage you by the words of Hos. 3. Hosea 3:1-5 (ESV) And the Lord said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins." [2] So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley. [3] And I said to her, "You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore, or belong to another man; so will I also be to you." [4] For the children of Israel shall dwell many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or pillar, without ephod or household gods. [5] Afterward the children of Israel shall return and seek the Lord their God, and David their king, and they shall come in fear to the Lord and to his goodness in the latter days.

Just as God didn’t give up on His relationship with His people so we need not give up on our marriages. Just as Jesus Christ loved, pursued and died for His bride so we can continue to love, pursue and give ourselves for our mates. God who breathed new life into Adam, and raised Christ from the dead can through the power of Spirit bring new, vital life to our marriages. By giving ourselves first to Him and living for His glory we can experience the joy of physical intimacy in the blessed union of marriage.

To Him Who Loves Us…
Pastor Lance